I think a lot of people don't find themselves until later on, as adults. You'll hear about men and women going through years of school to become a lawyer or politician, living a life they actually hated, and then ditching it all half way through. They decide they want to be a yoga teacher by the ocean, or live in a third world country renting out surfboards from a van, or scratch their high-ball career to tackle climate change as a non-profit environmentalist. So many adults do this- things along these lines. And that's beautiful and encouraging. I couldn't be happier for people realizing it's never too late to change your mind. It's never too late to find your truth.
What's so wrong with finding myself now? What is wrong with starting out where so many people had to waste years of their lives to get to? Whats wrong with already knowing what I want and refusing to waste time pretending I'm something else? What is so wrong with that?
People often ask what my plan is in life, after I graduate with an art degree.
-Not using it. That's my plan. I have the opportunity to study something I love and to cultivate a deep and meaningful education geared around my passions and interests. I'm very thankful. It does not mean, however, that I have to use it for anything other than the sake of having that knowledge. I think a lot of people forget that the root of an education is simply to learn. I don't need to do much with that knowledge other than have and appreciate it. Share it if I feel so inclined. But that's where the obligations stop.
My plan is to teach yoga the rest of my life. I will travel and share my heart. I will write the words that need to be written. My plan is my happiness. I know what gets me there.
In rebuttal I receive, "you'll never make money, you'll always be poor" and to that I say fuck no. It's cliché, but money doesn't buy happiness. I would rather be rich in my happiness banks. Fearless in the face of my heart. I firmly believe if you do what you love -honestly- there are many many ways to make ends meet. It's not A OR B, it's not black OR white. It's both, and neither, and a bit in between. And I can make money enough following my heart and I don't need to waste half my life to know that.
So please, in the way I support your decision of reversal late in life- support my audacity behind knowing exactly what I'm going to do right now. I'm not a dreamer. I'm not crazy. I'm not reaching. Attempting to be anything else, anything other than what I am, would be all of those things- crazy, dreaming, reaching. But doing what I am doing right now, that is the most normal thing for myself in the world. Just like skin, hearts are not the same color. We don't have to beat to the same rhythm. Take yours, I'll have mine.
A degree nor a bank account do not dictate your success. And generally, neither have much to do with saving the world, making a real change, or finding true happiness and living a life you actually want. That's not to say what you actually want can't be a politician or a lawyer- because it can. Absolutely. And God knows we need more in those fields who care about the right things. You can spend your life as an artist and choose med school at age fifty. It doesn't matter. A dream is a dream and a switch is a switch. Regardless of your truth, it's never too late to choose it.
But me knowing what I want is not wrong. And if what I want is to write and teach yoga and make a difference and love our Earth- well that's what it is. And I don't need to wait till I'm fifty to decide that. It's how I'm going to live. From day one.
To be honest, we don't have time to not give a fuck about about the effect we have on everything and everyone around us. We don't have time to not give a fuck about what we really really want from the drippy bits of our hearts. We just don't. And I'm not keen on wasting time.
There is no wrong-time to find yourself.
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!